and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
