At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
