Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
