Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
