I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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