im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
