I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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