Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
