I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
