..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
