When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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