she woke up with a sticky ear
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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