i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
