I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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