WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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