I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
