This is not my ceiling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
