do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
