But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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