Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize