I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
