Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
