I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
