Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
