living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
