you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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