I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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