you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
