I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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