I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
