i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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