drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
