i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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