TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
