I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
