Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
