There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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