Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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