my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
