i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
