He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
