he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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