the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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