normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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