Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
