Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
