I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
