her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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