i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
