If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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