I think my fart just growled at me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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