i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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