Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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