I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
