That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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