The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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