I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
