you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is my gift to your gina
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
