I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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