i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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