Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
