About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
