so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
